If I could go back and do one thing differently throughout college, it would be more journaling and blogging. Nights from my first semester that I never doubted would be permanently etched in my memory are now faded. Specific meals with special people are now blurred into the stream of past days. Though I'll continue to carry the effects of those many serendipitous conversations that influenced my thoughts and perception — conversations that opened my eyes to new ideas and ones that nudged my path in new directions — I no longer remember all the details of what was said, or exactly when and where it happened.
Maybe losing those details is a natural part of life not to be regretted. But as a soon-to-be graduate, I wish I had held on tighter to more of those details. The great, wild, precious four years that is college is an experience I want to cherish forever — not as a vague, generalized time period but as a collection of specific moments that cumulatively shaped (deeply and beautifully) who I am today, who I want to be and who I will be for the rest of my life. Yet I'm not satisfied with carrying the outcomes of a four-year transformation — I want to cherish all the tiny parts that make the whole.
The next three weeks are nearly overwhelming with the amount of work I have with final papers, projects and exams, but I want to remember every detail of the events in between the studying: the Drunk Defense party at McPlasters and the Eats Awk Cock I went to last night, the dinner I'm getting at Basan in Durham with Ellie and Emily tonight, Ashlyn's 22nd birthday dinner tomorrow night, the Chi Psi alumni cocktail I'm going to with Brian on Saturday... Regardless of whether any of these moments seem important or influential on their own (and I recognize I'm probably just being a nostalgic near-graduate) but I feel an urgent drive to cherish every detail — and I'm resolved to be more deliberate about cherishing such details as I start the next chapter of my life.
I know that's super cheesy — but expressing it and publishing it will make me stick to it!
Yes, Caroline, you are sounding a bit nostalgic. But also, you sound like a person who a had tremendous opportunities opened for you through your Roberson Scholarship in which you threw yourself and came out a changed Caroline. You have experienced the life of a regular college student who’s life was filled with the carefree fun of the last four years whether it was camping out for basketball tickets, cheering for the team you chose during the rival game or just experiencing a small group at a local bar and you have fulfilled your always driven side to excel in the world of academics. Your view of the world has changed. You have seen poverty and worked to make life better. You have enjoyed the high life and seen what is out there for the taking. And now that journey ends – you are becoming a member of adult society- and maybe it is regret that these four years went by so quickly and you are experiencing a twinge of “give me one more year. I’m not finished with me yet! Whatever it is, I can hardly wait to see where life leads you because you’re gonna be great in whatever you choose!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, what is heteronormativity? I don't think we teach that in elementary schools!
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